I hate the fact that people can’t comprehend the idea that I use my money on them because I don’t simply work for myself. I work for joy and happiness. It doesn’t mean just myself, it means anyone I want to enjoy myself with. I spend my money on whomever because I seek pleasure in my time with them. Happiness, joy, excitement, pleasure should never be limited by money but the creativity and imagination of our minds.
Another thing is freeing my day for people, freeing my time, and dropping all other possibilities, just for it not to happen and having the uncertainty of hanging out with them or not. Simply waiting for a chance, and unfortunately I don’t know if I got the time nor the patience anymore.
Never realized that there are people who see shame or embarassment being with me and that’s just horrible. I don’t regard others when I’m with anyone, I just don’t want to embarass them or anything along those lines. I thought select people and friends didn’t care but I guess I just won’t be me, won’t be comfortable.
Honestly, I feed my own infatuation and I build false hopes and dreams. This is my ultimate downfall. Unfortunately.
-sigh- just sigh, no words.